Sometimes you get lucky with family. I have an aunty who’s taught me so much about the world, it’s hard to know where to begin. When I was a child, she spent an hour with me every Sunday evening, introducing me to the joys of pop music. She loved the classics too, and together we listened to the great works of Bach and Beethoven, Mozart and Mahler on the radio.
My aunty also knew heaps about science. Stars, planets, birds, whales, ozone depletion; she kept up with the latest research about all of them and shared her knowledge with me. She stayed abreast of current affairs, too, and educated me about political parties and elections.
Hard to believe, I know, but my aunty was also an arts aficionado. She’d seen all the latest movies and plays and gave me potted reviews of the books she was reading. But our interactions weren’t all about education. We both loved a laugh and my aunty introduced me to the genius of The Goon Show and those Clarke and Dawe interviews.
As I grew older my aunty looked out for me in different ways, offering me interesting jobs and showing me how to tell engaging stories. Eventually I moved on to other work, but everything she taught me has proved to be useful in everything I’ve done since then.
My aunty has always been great in a crisis. I don’t know how our family would have got through the catastrophic bushfires last summer without her, or the COVID 19 lockdown. She’s been calm and clear and comforting.
Mind you, not everyone in the family is enamoured with her. Some envy her talents and resent her popularity. They bad-mouth her all over the place, claiming she has more money than sense, even though they know full well she’s never been wealthy. Secretly these detractors in the family must be wondering how our aunty has achieved so much with so little.
Recently things have taken a turn for the worse in Aunty’s life. Some of our less savoury family members have gained access to her financial resources and have been siphoning money off, leaving her struggling to stay afloat. Some have even started campaigning to eject Aunty from the family forever.
Let’s call a spade a spade. It’s elder abuse. Unless more of us are willing to stand up to the aunty-haters in the family, she could soon disappear.
(Sian Prior has worked for ‘Aunty’ ABC as a reporter, producer and presenter on radio. This column first appeared in the Sunday Age and the SMH in July 2020)
This year I will be running some Writing as Therapy courses online. The first series of four x 2.5 hour workshops will take place via Zoom on Saturday afternoons, beginning in August and ending in October. Class numbers will be limited to ten participants, but if the course books out I am happy to schedule some more classes.
ABOUT THE COURSE
Writing is a tried and tested method for coping with and understanding personal dilemmas, crises, depression, anxieties, stress and traumatic events. The simple act of putting down words on the page can reflect our attempt to make meaning from the thoughts and feelings and experiences we have. It helps us to gain distance from the things that cause us distress. From keeping a daily diary to penning a poem, all forms of writing can help us to shape narrative from chaos. Therapeutic writing can also help us re-discover our playful selves.
In this four part course on Writing As Therapy, I will lead you through a series of ideas and exercises in therapeutic writing, using a variety of techniques and exploring the methods that might work best for you. Each session will involve a mix of listening, thinking, writing, reading and brainstorming.
No experience is necessary and grammar, spelling and writing ability are irrelevant. All participants need to bring is an urge to understand and express themselves, a computer and/or notepad and pen. Everyone’s writing will be kept as private as participants wish.
1) The Situation and the Story
‘The place to which our writer finally puzzles her way (is): her own mixed feelings. First she sees that she has them. Then she acknowledges them to herself. Then she considers them as a way into the experience: then she realizes they are the experience. She begins to write.’ Vivian Gornick.
The first session involves a gentle introduction to some key concepts in writing as therapy, including; catharsis, self-awareness, self-acceptance and self-transformation. Drawing on the work of Vivian Gornick (author of ‘The Situation and the Story’) we will learn how to distinguish between the ‘situations’ we find ourselves in, and the ‘stories’ we want to tell ourselves about our life. We will employ simple writing techniques to identify the internal conversations we have with ourselves (the dialogical self), and learn how these conversations can help us resolve the challenges we are facing.
2) The Made Up Self
‘Whenever we write in the first person, reflecting on our personal experience, we inevitably create a version of ourselves, crafting a self out of words’. Carl Klaus
Drawing on the work of sociologist Erving Goffman (who developed self-presentation theory), writer Carl Klaus (author of ‘The Made Up Self’) and re-visiting the idea of ‘the dialogical self’, in this session we will look at how we ‘perform’ our lives, how we ‘make ourselves up’ in our writing, and how understanding the different ‘personas’ we perform can help us get distance and perspective on our travails. American writer Ander Monson (in ‘Vanishing Point’) suggests we ask ourselves ‘what’s at stake’ when we’re thinking and writing about our lives. What remains to be resolved? How can writing help us identify and move through the unexpressed choices and conflicts in our lives?
3) The Savage Mind
‘I realise it’s my own consciousness I need to confront. Perhaps by writing about myself I’ll discover my own identity. Regardless, I’ll have to stare at the rough edges of sadness in my life.’ Patricia Foster
Drawing on the work of writer Patricia Foster (author of ‘My Savage Mind’) and Jeanette Winterson (author of ‘Art Objects’) we will look at life writing as a tool for self-understanding and self-soothing. Finding the language of pain – we will examine how employing writing techniques such as point-of-view (eg. first person, second person, third person voice) can help us to find better coping techniques in our lives. Gratitude and hope journals – we’ll discover how to use daily life writing to ‘accentuate the positive’ in our lives.
4) The Honest Self
‘We imagine the past – we don’t remember it.’ John Banville
We are made up of our memories but we also know that our memories can fade, warp and distort, and at times even ‘trick’ us. These distortions and tricks can sometimes cause us distress – and sometimes they can help us. In this session we will look at how to access faded memories and identify their truth content – both factual and emotional – through writing. Memory vs imagination – we examine how to acknowledge and accept the blur between the two, and employ them both in our writing to access the ‘story’ in our ‘situation’. We will practice ‘re-writing’ difficult episodes in our lives with alternative endings.
There are a few options:
Enrol in Part One of the four-part Writing as Therapy course to ‘test the waters’, knowing you then have the option of continuing and completing the four part course. Cost: $100 ($80 conc)
Enrol in the four-part course. Cost: $300 ($250 conc)
Enrol in the final three classes of the four-part course, ONLY IF you have completed part one with me previously. Cost: $250 ($210 conc)
(Concession rates available for students, pensioners and unemployed).
Part One – Saturday 15th August, 1 – 3:30 pm
Part Two – Saturday 12th September, 1 – 3:30 pm
Part Three – Saturday 3rd October, 1 – 3:30 pm
Part Four – Saturday 24th October , 1 – 3:30 pm
(Please note: some dates may have to change to accomodate enrolments)
To register your interest, please contact me via the Contact page on this website, specifying which of the three enrolment options (above) you prefer. Deposits will be required to ensure you have a place on the course.
To listen to a recent ABC radio interview I did about writing as therapy click here.
One of the things I miss most about life before You-Know-What is singing with choirs. Monday nights you would normally find me hanging out with a chamber choir. Wednesday nights it was a French choir, and on Sunday nights the neighbours had to put up with my noisy quartet. Tiring days morphed into inspiring nights when I was making music with other tired-then-inspired choristers.
It’s not surprising that so many recent ads and viral videos have featured people singing alone-but-together. Italians crooning from their balconies; nurses performing in hospital wards; TV actors serenading us from multi-screen ABC promos – they’re all responding to the same human need for communal hollering.
Three decades ago, my love of singing led me to start up the Victorian Trade Union Choir. Every Thursday night we gathered in a faded ballroom at Trades Hall and learnt songs about red flags, shearers strikes and workers’ rights. When Nelson Mandela was released from prison and visited Australia for the first time, we serenaded him with the ANC anthem at the Melbourne Town Hall. On the anniversary of the Indonesian invasion of East Timor we belted out the theme song of the Timorese independence movement.
We sang at church services to remember workers who’d died on the job. We performed at Hamer Hall on Labour Day and on the back of a truck on May Day. We warbled on a Wodonga picket line at dawn, then warmed our hands over flaming forty-gallon drums with striking meatworkers.
I spent three years conducting the group before handing the job over to others. Those Thursday night gatherings at Trades Hall continued, and this year the Trade Union Choir members were planning to celebrate their thirtieth anniversary. Like most singing groups, though, they’ve had to press pause on live rehearsals. In the early days of You-Know-What, there were some alarming outbreaks – and fatalities – in European and American choirs. Large group gatherings for choristers will be out of bounds for a while yet.
The members of the Trade Union Choir are currently doing Zoom rehearsals on Thursday nights, soloing at home with their mute buttons on. It’s a far cry from the days when they sang their lungs out for sacked maritime workers in the 1998 waterfront dispute.
In case we don’t get a chance to celebrate the big three-oh together – Happy Birthday, comrades. I’m so proud I could burst.
(This column was first published in The Age and The Sydney Morning Herald in May 2020)
(This essay was first published in The Big Issue in April 2020)
It’s summer and I’m at a surf beach on the west coast. I had planned to have a quick swim and then walk the dog, me zipped up in my wetsuit, the two of us hermetically sealed in our solitude. But on the beach a family is sitting at a picnic table; a man, two women and two girls. As I walk past them the girls spring up from the bench seat and lunge towards the dog.
‘Oh oh oh, can we pat her?’ Jazzy is instantly ready for play, leaping around them and barking. ‘Oh, can we play with her?’
Dark eyes, mid-teens, tight blue jeans, but still children when it comes to dogs and the chasing of them. I laugh and laugh at their dancing game, grit kicking up around them, Jazzy swerving so the girls lunge and fall in the soft dry sand.
At the picnic table the two women in headscarves nod and smile at us, as the girls pick themselves up and come towards me.
‘What’s your dog’s name?’ The older one speaks in a rush. ‘We had a dog, he was a Jack Russell cross, we loved him so much, but we couldn’t look after him, mum said, so we gave him away to one of mum’s clients, but we miss him.’ And now they’re off again, chasing Jazzy to the water’s edge and back.
‘Are we holding you up?’ the older girl asks.
‘No, I’m just about to have a swim, you go right ahead.’ I inch my way through the biting waves, glancing back at the dancing trio. Oh, to be able to run like that still, to fall with impunity, to have teenage daughters to run with, fall with, laugh with.
As soon as I come out of the water they’re by my side again, telling me more stories about the Jack Russell, about puppy school, about their aunt who’s come from Turkey to visit them.
‘Where do you live?’ I ask.
‘In Victoria. Oh, you mean what street – no, what suburb?’ They look at each other, shrugging. They don’t know.
I play a guessing game. ‘The west? The east? Did you come over the West Gate Bridge?’ They don’t know where they live. They live at home, with mum and dad. That is enough.
In between quizzing me they speak Turkish to each other and I love how it rushes from their lips, all sibilant like the waves behind them. And then they ask me that question.
‘Do you have children?’
There is a pause – the first pause – in the conversation.
‘No’, I say eventually, but they are waiting for more.
Not here. Not today. Finally, I say, ‘Jazzy is like my child.’
Then on they go, telling me their names are Joozher and Azra, laughing about how, if you put their names together, you’d get something like Jazzy. They talk about the boys who break the rules at their high school, and more about their lost dog, and then somehow it is time for me to go, because I cannot keep them.
I walk slowly up the hill to the borrowed beach house, full of their beauty and openness and unknowingness, and with the fact that they are not mine.
Later in the evening I make myself walk down the hill to the pub, but it is a mistake. It is all and only families, clusters of kids being herded and fed, and nowhere for me to sit. I lean against the balcony railing and sip my wine and fiddle with my phone and watch the children, the easy chatting, the blurred lines between family units, and today it is too hard.
So I take my glass and head back to the beach, where I sit in the sand, gulping the wine and staring at the grey ocean. When the wine is gone I walk home fast, waiting to feel Jazzy’s sandy paws jumping at my knees.
We’re all in an upside down world. Outside life has moved inside. Easy has become hard. But sometimes reversals can be positive. I’ve been writing a list of things that used to be annoying but that are now comforting.
The tradies working two doors down from me, for example. Their blaring radio and incessant hammering used to drive me bananas. I’d slam doors and jam in earplugs, trying to shut out the cacophony. Now I go out into the backyard just to hear them cursing while they work. Something normal is still happening, I tell myself. Someone’s making progress.
Ditto with the garbage trucks Bin morning used to be a trial, woken before dawn by the crashing of bins and roaring of engines. Now I look forward to the garbos’ arrival. The rubbish is still being collected, I reassure myself. We’re not going to be buried alive in our own waste.
And then there’s exercise. I’ve always hated it – a necessary evil in a desk-bound life. I’d procrastinate all day about doing my laps or walking those ten thousand steps. Now I can’t wait to get out of the house and stride along the Merri Creek, marvelling at how birds can still sing in the midst of a pandemic.
My overstuffed shoulder bag is on the list. Years of scrabbling around in the bottom of a bag of detritus to find whatever I’m looking for. The bag is even more stuffed now, but the things in it are comforting – plastic gloves, tissues, a face mask, liquid soap, a water bottle, hand sanitiser, my phone, more plastic gloves. Self-protective items for a scary new world.
My overstuffed bookshelves were another irritant. Novels I read decades ago and haven’t touched since. Memoirs I’ve been planning to read for decades but haven’t opened yet. All of them gathering dust, taking up space, reproaching me. Now at last I know why I’ve hung onto them – for a moment in history just like this. Stories will keep me sane.
The list of unexpected comforts keeps getting longer. Junk mail deliverers. Overly-cheerful radio presenters. Even deadlines, those monkeys on my back, nagging at me to get back to work. This year I have a scary publishing deadline – six months to finish writing a book about the past. Thank goodness. Something to take my mind off the present. What’s on your list?
(This column was first published in The Age and the Sydney Morning Herald in May 2020)
I’ve been thinking a lot about grief. About all the fierce private griefs sheltering underneath the grand communal grief of COVID-19.
My neighbours whose darling dog is dying. My friend who has spent 3 years building up her brilliant music course and now it has all fallen apart – and one of her students is dying of the virus. My parents, separated first by dementia and now by a nursing home lockdown – which dementia renders inexplicable for my mother. My friend whose 3 adult children are all dealing with serious illness, and she can’t go to any of them. My many friends in the arts whose projects and livelihoods have evaporated in the space of a few days. Other friends and relations who may read this post and who are dealing with their own unmentionable sadnesses. And we are all so powerless to fix it.
All I can do is keep you all in my mind. Know that I see you and I love you.
Patience has never been my best thing. Suspense plots drive me nuts. I can’t watch murder mysteries because waiting to find out whodunnit makes me grit my teeth. Being stuck on hold on the phone makes me bite my nails. I can’t even play the card game ‘Patience’ because, well, it’s obvious.
There’ve been times when I’ve had no choice but to try and be patient. It’s an unavoidable part of ‘adulting’ – waiting for test results, or for the outcome of job interviews, or getting stuck in traffic jams. My nervous system invariably punishes me afterwards for denying it the fight or flight options it craves.
It’s always baffled me why the word for a sick person is ‘patient’. Some of my most stressful times have been as an impatient in-patient. Many doctors and nurses have copped my baleful glares as I’ve been forced to wait for their attention. And I’m not alone with this Patience Deficit Disorder.
Driving around this clogged city in recent years I’ve noticed more and more agitation amongst my fellow drivers. Horns toot if you don’t take off within a millisecond of the lights turning green. Impatient drivers flip you the bird as they overtake you – and the speed limit. And we’ve surely all vented at hapless call centre staff while we waited for someone to solve our problems with technology or bills or bookings.
This stuff is only going to get harder. Dealing with novel coronavirus is going to require superhuman patience from all of us. We won’t be able to do whatever we want whenever we want to. We’ll have to wait, or postpone, or cancel. We’ll have to adapt, and then adapt again. We’ll have to be slow and cautious rather than carefree and impulsive.
And we’ll have to be extra patient with the people around us whose worries are slowing down their thought processes. Psychologists have demonstrated that anxiety can impair cognitive functioning, making it hard to concentrate. We’ll probably all feel a bit stupid at times, because fear is chewing up our brain space.
Above all we’ll need to be patient patients. Medical workers and carers are going to be overworked and mega-stressed. There may be a lot of waiting ahead. So take a few deep breaths, grit your teeth (but don’t bite your nails) and hang in there, folks.
(This column was first published by Fairfax in March 2020)
Strange and difficult times we find ourselves in. Social isolation is going to be necessary – and hard. It is already impacting on my teaching, hosting and singing activities
As a result of COVID-19 my forthcoming ‘Wrangling Your Shyness’ workshop in Sydney has been postponed.
At this stage the Melbourne workshop is still scheduled to go ahead in mid-May but i will keep you updated. Ditto with my School Of Life ‘Writing as Therapy’ course beginning mid-April.
I am hoping my next RMIT ‘Feature Writing’ short course will still go ahead, either in person or online.
All my singing activities and concerts have been postponed for now.
And all meetings with my mentoring students will take place online for the next little while.
I will let you know as soon as i know whether my forthcoming public author interviews will go ahead as planned.
My Sunday Age monthly columns will continue – the next one will be published on March 22nd in the ‘M’ lift-out. I also have a short personal essay coming out soon in The Big Issue.
I am planning to hunker down for the next few months and work on my second memoir, due to be published by Text Publishing in 2021.
Sending my best wishes to everyone. Look after yourselves. Read some good books.
This too will pass. xx
As a child, my unattainable object of desire was a giant Derwent pencil set. I knew that if I could just get my hands on one of those big boxes, my whole life would be more colourful. It took four decades but last Christmas I finally scratched that itch and bought myself a set of 36 Derwents. I pored over those creatively-named pencils, wondering who’d first come up with Blue Violet Lake and Golden Brown.
Over the New Year, as my TV screen filled with images of bushfire-menaced towns, I had a new language to describe what I was seeing. Walls of flame in Straw Yellow. Skies stained Orange Chrome. Fireys’ faces streaked with Gunmetal. Trees and animals charred Ivory Black. These were the colours of climate horror.
Another youthful longing of mine was to tour New Zealand in a campervan. In early January I left my smoky hometown and travelled to the South Island. For the next two weeks I motored past rivers tinted Kingfisher Blue by glaciated rock particles. I hiked through rainforests under towering trees of Mineral Green. On the mountain drive from Lake Wanaka to Queenstown I marveled at the technicolour lupins lining the road, every shade from Rose Pink to Imperial Purple.
But there was no escaping evidence of the climate horror. The white tip of New Zealand’s highest peak, Aoraki/Mount Cook, was dusted with Brown Ochre – ash blown over from Australia’s bushfires. Hiking to the foot of the Franz Josef Glacier, I discovered that this vast expanse of Chinese White ice has been shrinking rapidly as New Zealand’s average temperatures have been rising.
In the busy lakeside town of Wanaka I hired a kayak and paddled away from the tourist hordes, wondering if we were in danger of ruining this colourful planet. Humans – we’re a scourge, I thought, as I floated on the Prussian Blue lake. We don’t deserve all this beauty.
Back on shore I found a throng gathered on the footpath, everyone clapping along to some singing. Through the crowd I could see flashes of Lemon Cadmium and Deep Vermillion. Moving closer I discovered it was an Aboriginal flag hanging above a stage, and beside it flew an Ultramarine Australian flag. The Wanaka locals were holding an all-day singing marathon to raise funds for bushfire relief. For us.
Humans. Maybe we’re not so bad after all.
(This column was first published by Fairfax in February 2020)
I am very pleased to share the news that I have been offered a contract for a second memoir. It will be published by Text Publishing and I aim to finish writing it this year. More soon.
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