Sian Prior

Writer, Broadcaster, Singer, MC & Teacher

Travellers must be content [January 16]

We’ve been traveling: three and a half weeks in my new camper van. It’s a cubby house on wheels that has been providing me with the same kind of joy and fantasy-fulfillment as the cubby houses of my childhood.

We’ve listened to all twelve episodes of This American Life’s latest  podcast addiction, ‘Serial’. We’ve visited beaches, rivers and inlets, forests, mountains and hamlets – including a little place in country Victoria called Stratford. Which is to be found right beside the Avon River. It’s pretty quiet in this hamlet. Lots of shops closed down, lots of houses for sale. Not many reasons to stop in Stratford these days.

Except, of course, that it’s Stratford on Avon.

So in the spirit of post-Christmas generosity my companion and I have started a list of new business names to send to the Stratford Chamber of Commerce in the hope of inspiring a local tourism boom:

The butcher’s shop – The Merchant of Venison

The brothel – A Pound of Flesh

The other brothel – As You Like it

The coffee shop – The Witches Brew

The Country Women’s Association – The Merry Wives

The firearms store – Slings and Arrows

The bank – Outrageous Fortune

The art gallery – We’re for Art

The op shop – The Merchant of Vinnies

The surf shop – Once More unto the Beach

The dry cleaners – Out Damned Spot‬

The high-end homewares shop – Much Ado about Nothing

The maternal healthcare clinic – Mewling and Puking

The funeral parlour – All’s Well that Ends Well

The other funeral parlour – This Mortal Coil

The relationship counselling service – Loves Labours Lost

The greengrocer – Salad Days

The massage clinic – There’s the Rub

The audiology clinic – Lend me your Ears

The greyhound track – Let Slip the Dogs‬

The camping supplies store – The Winter of our Discount Tent

 

To be continued.

(With thanks to John Merkel and some Facebook friends)